2011
03.12

When my friends let me down hard, and I have to console them into thinking it didn’t destroy me, have I have truly become self-hating? Or is it simply time to move on from the friends? or from this empty shell of a life?

I have had to accept that police won’t do anything against the judges because it would affect their ability to do their job.
I have had to accept that the judges are protectring the other judges in the matter.
I have had to accept that lawyers won’t do anything againt the judges because it would affect their future.
I have had to accept that my children are protecting their mother from prosecution for her crimes.
I have had to accept that my friends (all but 3) have disappeared after being pressured by persons pretending to be federal agents.

All the while, I have understood and accepted these positions…
All the while, I get destroyed and try to survive…
All the while, it gets harder for me to persevere…

I have become a self hating shell of a man… incapable of suicide and forced to endure further indiginities.

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